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  1. #21
    Senior Member CXSarnia's Avatar
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    just came across my desk this morning....



    A little boy was sitting on the footpath with a bottle of Turpentine. He was shaking it up and watching all the bubbles. A Priest came along and asked the little boy what he had.



    The little boy said, 'This is the most powerful liquid in the world; it's called Turpentine.'



    The Priest said, 'No, the most powerful liquid in the world is Holy Water. If you rub it on a pregnant woman's belly, she'll pass a healthy baby.'





    The little boy replied, 'If you rub turpentine on a cat's ass, he'll pass a Harley Davidson!'
    Down to 3 only!

    2009 DN-01

    1982 CX500 Custom

    1982 CB750K

  2. #22
    Super Moderator DaveF's Avatar
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    A guy shows up at the gates of Heaven and St. Peter tries to look him up in the Book of Heaven to see if he should be allowed in. His name's not listed. So St. Peter tries to find his name in the Book of the Damned to see if he should send this guy to Hell. No, the guy's name isn't in that book either.



    Saint Peter says, "I don't know what to do with you. I need some information to decide whether to let you in to heaven or not. Tell me, have you ever done anything really evil?"



    "No" says the guy. "I have a couple speeding tickets. I cursed when I stubbed my toe the other night."



    "That's fine." said St. Peter. "How about any good deeds? Have you ever put helping somebody else's well-being ahead of your own interests?"



    The guy looked puzzled and said, "Well, there was this time I was driving home from the shoe store where I work, and I saw a woman with a flat tire on the side of the road, and a bunch of motorcycle riders had stopped to help her, so I just was going to let them handle it, but then I saw in my rear view mirror they weren't helping her with the tire, they were helping her take her clothes off and she didn't seem to want that. So I figured I would go back there and talk to them."



    Saint Peter asked: "So what happened? Did you help that woman?"



    The guy continued, "I pulled over and had to back my Ford Escort a half a mile to get back to where I passed them. It was hard to see over the back seat headrests because I'm only five-six, you know. When I parked and got out, the woman was in the back seat of her own car with her legs sticking out the window screaming, and like 5 of those motorcycle guys got out of her car and came over to my car. They must have worked for a business called Hells Angels and they all wore the uniform so I guess they must have gotten off from work like me. I asked them to leave the girl alone and they laughed at me. I said I would call their employer and report them, and then they really laughed. The biggest one, and he seemed like the leader, was about 6 foot six and he wore a chain for a belt. He said to me, "you got a pretty mouth" and started undoing his belt. Well since they were all around me, the woman got out of her car and ran away. The big guy in front of me turned to look toward the woman when he heard her car door open, but I took that belt-chain and pulled it out of his pants with one big tug, and his pants dropped to the ground. He seemed really happy about that, and said something about having fun."



    "Then I swung that chain and hit him in the head with it. His eyes started looking in different directions and he fell down and didn't move anymore after that. I told the other Hells Angels workers that they needed to leave me alone, and forget about the woman, and just get back on their bikes and go home and read the Bible because that's where they can learn to be good again."



    "WOW !" exclaimed Saint Peter. "That's CERTAINLY the most AMAZING act of bravery and heroism I have ever heard!" You absolutely should have been listed in the Book of Heaven. You belong here. How such brave act could escape our notice up here is beyond me. When did this happen?"













    The shoe salesman looked at his watch. "About 4 minutes ago."
    1982 GL500I, 1983 GL650, 1983 GL650I

    My Web Site

  3. #23
    Senior Member Blue Fox's Avatar
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    This can't be offensive to anyone, I know, I'm slipping.



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    1983 GL650I, 1980 CX500, 1974 CB350F, 1973 CT90

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  5. #24
    Senior Member JB in SC's Avatar
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    An American tourist in London decides to skip his tour group and explore the city on his own. He wanders around, seeing the sights, occasionally stopping at a quaint pub to soak up the local culture, chat with the locals, and have a pint of bitter.




    After a while, he finds himself in a very nice neighborhood with big, stately residences...no pubs, no stores, no restaurants, and worst of all NO PUBLIC RESTROOMS.




    He really, really has to go, after all those Guinnesses. He finds a narrow side street, with high walls surrounding the adjacent buildings and decides to use the wall to solve his problem.




    As he is unzipping, he is tapped on the shoulder by a London police officer, who says, "I say, sir, you simply cannot do that here, you know."




    "I'm very sorry, officer," replies the American, "but I really, really have to go, and I just can't find a public restroom."




    "Ah, yes," said the policeman..."Just follow me". He leads the American to a back delivery alley to a gate, which he opens.




    "In there," points the policeman. "Go ahead sir, anywhere you like."




    The fellow enters and finds himself in the most beautiful garden he has ever seen. Manicured grass lawns, statuary, fountains, sculptured hedges, and huge beds of gorgeous flowers, all in perfect bloom.




    Since he has the policeman's blessing, he relieves himself and feels much more comfortable. As he goes back through the gate, he says to the police officer, "That was really decent of you... is that what you call English hospitality?"




    "No sir...", replied the police officer, "...that is what we call the French Embassy."




    '83 CX650C (Sigh... I sold it, now in Boston)

    '06 Concours (My last motorcycle... this time I mean it... )

  6. #25
    Senior Member JB in SC's Avatar
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    On their way to get married, a loving couple get into car accident that proves fatal. The couple is sitting outside Heaven's Gate waiting on St. Peter to finish the paperwork so they can enter. While waiting, they wonder if they could possibly get married in Heaven. St. Peter finally shows up and they ask him. St. Peter replies, "I don't know, this is the first time anyone has ever asked. Let me go find out," and he leaves.




    The couple sit for a couple of months and begin to wonder if they really should get married in Heaven, what with the eternal aspect of it all. "What if it doesn't work out?" they wonder, "Are we stuck together forever?" St. Peter returns after yet another month, looking somewhat bedraggled. "Yes," he informs the couple, "you can get married in Heaven." "Great," says the couple, "but what if things don't work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?"




    St. Peter, red-faced, slams his clipboard onto the ground. "What's wrong?" exclaims the frightened couple. "Geez!" St. Peter exclaims, "It took me three months to find a priest up here! Do you have any idea how long it's going to take for me to find a lawyer?"




    stern-69 likes this.
    '83 CX650C (Sigh... I sold it, now in Boston)

    '06 Concours (My last motorcycle... this time I mean it... )

  7. #26
    Senior Member Phil in Vermont's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JB in SC View Post
    On their way to get married, a loving couple get into car accident that proves fatal. The couple is sitting outside Heaven's Gate waiting on St. Peter to finish the paperwork so they can enter. While waiting, they wonder if they could possibly get married in Heaven. St. Peter finally shows up and they ask him. St. Peter replies, "I don't know, this is the first time anyone has ever asked. Let me go find out," and he leaves.




    The couple sit for a couple of months and begin to wonder if they really should get married in Heaven, what with the eternal aspect of it all. "What if it doesn't work out?" they wonder, "Are we stuck together forever?" St. Peter returns after yet another month, looking somewhat bedraggled. "Yes," he informs the couple, "you can get married in Heaven." "Great," says the couple, "but what if things don't work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?"




    St. Peter, red-faced, slams his clipboard onto the ground. "What's wrong?" exclaims the frightened couple. "Geez!" St. Peter exclaims, "It took me three months to find a priest up here! Do you have any idea how long it's going to take for me to find a lawyer?"


    Previous bikes.

    78 CX500 Deluxe.
    82 GL500 Old Yeller Converted to 3 wheels.
    83 Honda Vt500 Shadow
    83 Honda GL1100 Traded for Old Yeller
    85 Honda Vt750 Shadow.
    06 Suzuki S50 Boulevard. Converted to 3 wheels. Suzie
    83 Honda GL650. Converted to hammerhead trike. La-Cosa
    82 Honda GL500. Converted to 3 wheels. Radio Flyer II.

    Every day above ground is a good one!

  8. #27
    Senior Member Blue Fox's Avatar
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    Kinda cute, even if they don't live together.



    http://i50.tinypic.com/25swfw9.jpg
    1983 GL650I, 1980 CX500, 1974 CB350F, 1973 CT90

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  9. #28
    Senior Member Allan's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Blue Fox View Post
    Kinda cute, even if they don't live together.



    http://i50.tinypic.com/25swfw9.jpg


    They do party together though,,



    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RUMMnGy4WyU
    ...and as the elders of our time choose to remain blind, let us rejoice and let us sing and dance and ring in the new. Hail Atlantis!

    1975 XL-100, 1978 CX500, 1980 CX500, 1981 CX500

  10. #29
    Senior Member Blue Fox's Avatar
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    I needed more room for my bikes, so I tried to draw up some plans, even made a model. Something is still wrong.



    http://img341.imageshack.us/img341/4...leshapevp4.jpg
    1983 GL650I, 1980 CX500, 1974 CB350F, 1973 CT90

    Need information? Try our new Wiki site: http://cx500forum.com/mediawiki/index.php?title=Main_Page

  11. #30
    Super Moderator Blindstitch's Avatar
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    Wow it's like a mentally retarded necker cube.



    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Necker_Cube
    1968 Honda CT90 Trail-Yellow Monster project
    1979 Honda CX500 Supertanker 72,000 miles.
    1983 Honda Gl650I Falcon-killer 78,000 miles.
    Pictures of my bikes Past and Present.



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