A guy shows up at the gates of Heaven and St. Peter tries to look him up in the Book of Heaven to see if he should be allowed in. His name's not listed. So St. Peter tries to find his name in the Book of the Damned to see if he should send this guy to Hell. No, the guy's name isn't in that book either.
Saint Peter says, "I don't know what to do with you. I need some information to decide whether to let you in to heaven or not. Tell me, have you ever done anything really evil?"
"No" says the guy. "I have a couple speeding tickets. I cursed when I stubbed my toe the other night."
"That's fine." said St. Peter. "How about any good deeds? Have you ever put helping somebody else's well-being ahead of your own interests?"
The guy looked puzzled and said, "Well, there was this time I was driving home from the shoe store where I work, and I saw a woman with a flat tire on the side of the road, and a bunch of motorcycle riders had stopped to help her, so I just was going to let them handle it, but then I saw in my rear view mirror they weren't helping her with the tire, they were helping her take her clothes off and she didn't seem to want that. So I figured I would go back there and talk to them."
Saint Peter asked: "So what happened? Did you help that woman?"
The guy continued, "I pulled over and had to back my Ford Escort a half a mile to get back to where I passed them. It was hard to see over the back seat headrests because I'm only five-six, you know. When I parked and got out, the woman was in the back seat of her own car with her legs sticking out the window screaming, and like 5 of those motorcycle guys got out of her car and came over to my car. They must have worked for a business called Hells Angels and they all wore the uniform so I guess they must have gotten off from work like me. I asked them to leave the girl alone and they laughed at me. I said I would call their employer and report them, and then they really laughed. The biggest one, and he seemed like the leader, was about 6 foot six and he wore a chain for a belt. He said to me, "you got a pretty mouth" and started undoing his belt. Well since they were all around me, the woman got out of her car and ran away. The big guy in front of me turned to look toward the woman when he heard her car door open, but I took that belt-chain and pulled it out of his pants with one big tug, and his pants dropped to the ground. He seemed really happy about that, and said something about having fun."
"Then I swung that chain and hit him in the head with it. His eyes started looking in different directions and he fell down and didn't move anymore after that. I told the other Hells Angels workers that they needed to leave me alone, and forget about the woman, and just get back on their bikes and go home and read the Bible because that's where they can learn to be good again."
"WOW !" exclaimed Saint Peter. "That's CERTAINLY the most AMAZING act of bravery and heroism I have ever heard!" You absolutely should have been listed in the Book of Heaven. You belong here. How such brave act could escape our notice up here is beyond me. When did this happen?"
The shoe salesman looked at his watch. "About 4 minutes ago."